It’s been a long time since I blogged, indeed a long time since I wrote anything. I felt like my gift was on pause, maybe because I have been on pause. The moment I acknowledged, through the leading of the Holy Spirit during my 2 month-long spiritual and physical detox, that I am right where I am supposed to be, I forgot to keep my finger on the pause button.
I had been waiting for something great to happen, waiting for the promises that God has made to me to come through. It’s good to wait on the Lord, but not in pause. It is not good to wait, unsatisfied with everything else until that one thing you want to happen does.
Now that my pause is over, so is the inspiration drought I had been experiencing. I was reading and studying God’s word, but nothing inspired me enough to put pen to paper, edit, and repeat. Nothing felt satisfactory enough to write about.
These days I am learning to be content in any situation. Whether my professional aspirations have been accomplished or not. Whether I’m rich or poor. Whether I feel on purpose or not. (Phil. 4:11&12) I am learning to be content because I believe.
I believe that God is faithful. I believe that the good work He began in me will not go unfinished. (Phil. 1:6) He has shown me nothing but faithfulness. He is a finisher. In fact, the best finisher I know.
Like Abraham, as time goes by, I must believe that my life is still on schedule. I am not too late to fulfill my purpose. I have not wasted too much time chasing the wrong dreams. I am right on schedule because it is His schedule that matters, not mine.
I am learning to be satisfied with Him and not the stuff He gives me, makes me, or places He takes me. I am learning to drink deep of His living water so that I will not be thirsty for success, friendships, romance, ______________________ (you can insert whatever you are thirsty for right here).
But that means I will need, like Abraham, to put the promise on the altar. Somehow I have to remember the promises, but leave them to God to fulfill. I have to keep my hands off them, but keep my faith on them.
I am an all or nothing kind of gal, so it’d be easier for me to simply forget His promises and accept mediocrity. However, He is asking me to remember them, believe them, but allow Him to fulfill them with no help from me. If I touch them I mess them up, just like Abraham did.
What’s more, I realized today that as much energy, thought, and time I put into those promises, they have become my God. Anything I love more than Him… anything that lives in my thoughts more than He does, anything that I have my heart set on more than Him… anything that satisfies me more than He does… anything in that place is my idol.
He must satisfy me so much so that no matter where I find myself I will be content.
The craziest part is that I had convinced myself that all the energy was for Him, to advance His kingdom, but if it was solely for Him then I wouldn’t be so bound up in the delays or failures. I’d be okay to let Him fulfill the promises if they were just for Him. Truth be told, they have become very much for me.
I’m sure Abraham felt the same way. He didn’t originally plan to be the father of a great nation for the one, true God. He was just planning to be a shepherd and a family man. Then he heard a call and a promise and all of a sudden he was so bound up in the promise that he found himself on top of Hagar trying to produce the promise himself.
Well, I’m done with Hagar. That heifer has teeth. No more promise producing for me. It’s God’s plan, God’s promise. He is going to have to fulfill it. I only have one plan for the future…