The family and I went to the beach just before Covid-19 interrupted everything. Little man was looking forward to building castles in the sand. We didn’t have a bucket or shovels or anything that would help us in this endeavor. Little Man, Baby Girl, and I did the best we could, using our hands and feet and random sticks we found laying around. It wasn’t pretty but we had done it. We had built sand castles.
Literally 40 seconds after we finished construction, Little man said, “Can I crash it, mommy?”
“No,” I said alarmed. “We just took our time to build it. Why would you do that?” I guess he and I had different motivations for building. The beach is not the only place we build castles in the sand. And it isn’t the only place where motivation for building is important.
Search and Seizure
Recently God did that thing He does when He searches my heart. I realize now that He doesn’t search my heart so that He can know it because He already knows it. The search is important so I can know it. He knows that self-awareness will change the game for me.
His searching is usually a painful process, and this time was no different. He always finds something lurking that I had no idea was there. This time, He uncovered a construction site in my heart. I was building castles in the sand.
I was building something He had not authorized, that was important to me. But I was building without a permit from the One I work for. When I really examined it, my motives were not purely to build His kingdom. I was doing me. I was building my legacy. That’s why the construction is a sand castle.
If I am honest, I have been building Purpose Girl Ministries for one faulty, underlying reason. For most of my life, I have felt invisible; youngest child, late bloomer, too small to play. From my siblings, to boys, to social circles, it seemed I was unremarkable.
I have lived my whole life trying to prove that I am remarkable, that I am not invisible. That I am pretty enough, smart enough, good enough. It has been my motive for so long that it simply became a part of me.
It has caused me to work feverishly to attain success according to human standards. After all, I wouldn’t be able to prove it to every person that looked over or through me if my success couldn’t be measured in normal, human terms. So I set out to build with the wrong measurements, footings, and foundation.
Back to the Beach
Before I knew it, water from the ocean did just what my son wanted to do. I thought we had built far enough up the shore, but a rogue wave washed right over our castle. The water didn’t completely destroy it, but that gave Little Man all the green light he needed to finish the job.
As I watched him pretend to be a giant and crash into the sand castles we had built, I realized that is exactly what will happen to anything I try to build without God. Anything that isn’t built on Him, is gonna’ sink when the storms of life blow and beat on it, or it will be crushed by the giant circumstances we face in life.
Moment of Truth
What are you building and why? Is it His kingdom or your legacy? Do you want to be used by God more than you want to be known, wealthy, popular, successful, etc? Are you building for and with Him? If not, you may be building castles in the sand.
There will be some reorganizing of my life and ministry in the coming months. I am not exactly sure what it will look like, but with every revelation there must be some sort of shifting to accommodate God’s word because His word cannot return to Him without accomplishing its purpose. I’d rather carefully dismantle my sand castle than have the waves or giants of life crush them.